Confirmation Of Ghosts

My fiance of many years became very spiritual years ago and became a firm believer of life after death, angels, reincarnation and ghosts.   What I didn't know is that he was still looking for "confirmation" of his new beliefs.  

We  vacationed at the same hotel for years.  We went the same two - three weeks in the summer.  We knew most of the guests because they too came every year, so it was like a big reunion and a lot of fun.  One day we had an argument and he was still angry and not speaking to me when it was time to go to bed.  Our hotel room had two double beds.  So, instead of getting into the bed where I was sleeping, he pulled down the covers on the bed next to me and climbed in.  You have to understand, I do NOT like going to bed angry.  I like to end the fight and I NEVER like to sleep apart.  He, on the other hand, was asleep and snoring within 10  minutes.  I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted him back in my bed and I wanted him to stop snoring.  I couldn't reach him to give the usual slight nudge to make him stop snoring, so what was I to do?  I took my water bottle that had a small amount of water left in it and WHACK....I quickly jerked the water bottle so that the remaining water flung out and it landed right in his face!  NOW I was SCARED!  I quickly put the water bottle back down on the end table between us and layed still....pretending to be asleep.  Of course he woke up immediately and this is how the conversation goes:
Him:   ( in a VERY soft voice)  "What the hell?   What the hell?"  He calls to me...I still pretend I'm sleeping.  He continues to speak in a soft voice.....What the hell?  He calls me again....louder!!!   
ME:  What?
HIM:  I'm all wet!
ME:  What do you mean?
HIM:  I'm all wet!  Look! (as he turns the light on)
ME:  Oh, you probably wet the bed!   (LOL)  now you'd think that alone would give him a clue I'm in on this :)
HIM:  No, really, look....there's water all over me and the sheets!
ME:  There is probably a leak in the ceiling
HIM:  NO....LOOK....there is no leak (his voice getting more and more excited)
ME:  Go to sleep, it's your imagination  (I'm scared shitless at this point)
HIM:  It's CONFIRMATION !!!!
ME:  WHAT?
HIM:  CONFIRMATION!!!   This is what I've been waiting for all these years! It's confirmation .  It was a ghost!
ME:   WHAT?
And.....so it goes....the fight is officially over and he is now back in my bed!  I won that battle, but now I am really scared.  If he finds out what happened he will be angry for a very long time!
NEXT MORNING:
HIM:  (opens the hotel door and sees one of our friends)
HIM:  (says to friend).....I was visited last night by a ghost!
FRIEND:  WHAT?
HIM:  I was visited by a ghost last night.  I was sleeping and all of a sudden I woke up and was all wet!
FRIEND:  It was probably .....(she says MY name!)
HIM:  NO....she was asleep!  I'm telling you, it was a ghost!
FRIEND:  OK...(as she continues to walk to get a chair by the pool)
AT THE POOL:
HIM:  (to another friend)....I was visited by a ghost last night!
2nd FRIEND:  WHAT?
HIM:  (same repeat of the story)
2nd FRIEND:  OK (looks away like he's nuts)
HOTEL OFFICE:
HIM: (as he is determined to get to the bottom of it...he goes to the front desk, says to the manager.....)     Have there even been reports of a ghost in the room I'm staying in?
MANAGER:  WHAT?
HIM:  I was visited by a ghost last night....I woke up all wet!
MANAGER:  WHAT?  No, no reports of ghosts!

He continued to talk about this to anyone who would listen....for DAYS and WEEKS he repeated this story, even when we got home!!   Now for sure I can't tell him the truth....this stuff is "divorce material" as my uncle would say!

Finally about 1 YEAR later....... he brought up the subject AGAIN!!!   This time though, I did confess.  Although I was scared to do so,  I felt I couldn't let this continue.  I had no idea he STILL had this on his mind!  The outcome?  He was soooooooo disappointed to hear it was me and not a ghost.  Luckily for me, enough time had passed that he wasn't mad at the fact I threw water on him, he was more upset to think he did not have his confirmation!   

Toilet Paper "Tails"

Ok, so I'm sitting on the toilet when all of a sudden, the door bell rings!  No one else is home and I've left the front door wide open.  The only thing between me and my unwanted guest is an unlocked, full glass storm door.  I've also left my bedroom and bathroom doors wide open, so I am feeling extra vulnerable at this point.  So, I do my thing, get off the toilet, quick flush, quick wash and I head to the front door.  But wait, something's not right!  I feel a dragging sensation.  I turn to look and sure enough, I have a trail of toilet paper following me at least 12 feet in length!  It goes down the hallway, turns the corner into my bedroom and I am assuming turns another corner into my bathroom.  I quickly pull, pull and this thing is still coming!  I give a hard yank and it is freed from the roll.  I'm still pulling to gather this trail of paper and now I have a huge wad of it.....what am I going to do with it?  I am two steps away from view of my front door!   So, I put it in my pocket....lovely look, I might add.   I take a couple more steps, to find, no one is at my door.  I continue to the door and I found a package left by the UPS worker.   Crisis averted!  But it does bring a another "tail" to mind.

Once my fiance and I were at a huge Contractors Convention in Florida.  It was early in the morning and there was a slow steady stream of people coming into the Convention Center.  Well, in front of us was a group of men, I'd guess around 40 years old and they were drinking coffee, taking in the sights. Now picture this..... The one man was wearing jeans and a tucked in polo shirt.  He also had a "tail" of toilet paper coming out of the top of his pants, hanging down to about his mid calf!  As if THAT isn't bad enough.....MY fiance walks up to him, taps him on the shoulder and says............"You have toilet paper stuck to you" and proceeded to YANK that toilet paper away from his pants and HANDED it to the guy!   YUK!   OMG......not only was that man mortified.........but I was GROSSED OUT!    How could my fiance have TOUCHED that toilet paper!!!!    I made him find the nearest men's room and go wash his hands.   

Why Bother Wearing Latex Gloves

People in the food industry wear latex gloves to protect whom?   Certainly not you as a consumer.   The guy behind the popcorn cart, wearing "sanitary" gloves while bagging the popcorn for the consumer, then takes our money when we purchased a bag, gives us the proper change and resumes putting his same gloved hands back into the tub of loose popcorn to continue bagging.  To make matters worse, just as we were about to walk away from the cart with our bagged popcorn, my fiance sticks his own hand into the tub of loose popcorn and helped himself to a few pieces of popped corn!  HELLO?  Who does that? I walked away very embarassed, he walked away explaining he had just washed his hands and the guy behind the counter continued to bag that popcorn to sell to the public!